The Dead Squirrel Awards

I've decided that "going green" has officially jumped the shark. Received a call from one of my fresh coworkers that went a little (and by a little I mean exactly) like this:

Glasses	Hi what can I help you with?
Foggy	Um yeah hi, um I have a customer on the line and him say that he on our website and he not be able to go gleen
Glasses	What do you mean?
Foggy	He say that he click but him not be able to go gleen. Is there something wrong with our website?
Glasses	No, but what exactly is the customer trying to do?
Foggy	He is trying to go gleen but it not working. Are we down?
Glasses	No, the website is fine.
Foggy	Ok, umm thank you bye.

I hung up slowly, reached for my finger gun, and pulled the trigger. To my dismay, my body has not yet started producing bullets in place of fingernails.

The following was actually spoken to a customer by a representative on 8/27/2009 at 11:05 am:

I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but don’t you know you don't have money in your account to be making those purchases?

I'm not anti-candid or pro-sounding like a robot, but this made me *facepalm*

I was about to slip into another weird erotic fantasy when I heard a gal in the call center whom I affectionately refer to as Oink ask her superior who I not-so affectionately refer to as Moo if we're still accepting California state issued registered warrants for deposit. Moo tells Oink that we're not, Oink relays the bad information to the customer. There's a huge article right on our company's website detailing how we do in fact accept them and what the conditions are. I would have spoken up but I remembered my motto. I'd be more apathetic if I wasn't so lethargic. Thank goodness I've mustered up the energy to present Oink and Moo with this much deserved award.